Never Let Me Go
by DrinksAndCigarrettes
Summary: Santana comes back in Lima and Brittany wants to know why she left in the first place.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Everyone ! I don't really know why I write this, maybe because I really miss Santana in the show but, anyway, I hope you'll like it. English is not my first language so if there are some mistakes, tell me and review what you think about it please =)

Enjoy !

* * *

"I never thought I would see you again, Santana," she says out of breath, "We didn't see each other in, what? Six years?"

Santana turns to face that woman. She's real and the Latina wants to cry. It has been so hard moving on, doing her life without Brittany by her side. She looks at her, how she hasn't changed at all; she still seems so innocent, fragile but just older. And she wants to cry even more. She wants to cry and scream, she wants to hide and forget all the pain. But all she's capable of doing is answer and pray for that conversation to be short.

"Yeah, that's right. Six years. It's a long time, isn't it?"

Brittany nods, not even realizing how much uncomfortable Santana is. "I'm so glad you came, you have no idea. We made so many Glee reunions in the past few years but you never showed up. It's like a miracle to see you here!" She approaches her ex-lover to hug her but Santana steps back and smiles shyly.

"I know, it's just… you know, with work, it hadn't be easy at all to come at Glee meetings. Life is just crazy, isn't it?" She says making sure to take her distances from Brittany. She doesn't add anything and just tries to leave the room but Brittany stops her.

"Stay, please. I dreamt so many times to see you again, to talk to you… You're real. You're here and I think it is fate, you know. I was scared you would have moved on or that I would have but see, we're soul mates."

"Brittany, please, stop it. Let me go." At that moment, this one particularly, Santana realizes how much she had missed Brittany this last few years but it's not that easy for the Latina because all the pain reappears. Just like that.

"I can't, it's written, Ana." She flinches at the nickname and looks vulnerable suddenly. "Not until you tell me why you left, why you didn't fight for us."

It's time to run away and Santana knows it but she owes it to Brittany, to herself. "You were too much for me. I know it doesn't mean anything but I couldn't keep going on like this. I couldn't look at you and love you knowing on the other hand that I didn't deserve you. So, I told myself that if I left, if I let you live without me, you would have had a chance to be happy someday. I loved you, Brittany. God, I loved you so much but, love isn't enough. When I imagined what it would be for you to live at my side, I understood we weren't made for each other."

"What does it mean?"

"It means I moved on. I returned to the starting point, it's true but I moved on. I didn't wait for you, Brittany. Tina kept on telling me how happy you were, I even saw you on TV and I decided to do something about my life, you know. I met this guy – Jason – and all the hurt and hatred I had against both of you and me disappeared. He asked me to marry him a year after our first meeting and I said yes. I needed to forget about you even if it was hard. I had to let go of you." Brittany looks like she's about to fall on her knees and Santana doesn't know what to do. She asked for the truth and here it is but deep down, the Latina just wants to hug Brittany in her arms, she wants to go back in time and make her choices differently. "For all that matters, I never loved someone the way I loved you and, in the same time, I didn't want to. Because, loving you – even if it was the best thing that happened to me – was accepting to always be the bad guy. And in high school, it didn't matter because I already had a bad reputation but I decided to change the rules once I got into College. I just wanted to be me."

"Being with a man, it was being you?"

"Back then, yes. It was what I wanted, Brittany. Still is. I don't ask you to understand but, maybe it's time for you to move on too."

"You're going to let me go? Again? After all this time, after six years without seeing each other and despite the fact we still love each other, you're asking me to give up on you?"

"I wish I could be with you but you're still too much. Nobody will agree to see us together again. Nobody will accept us."

"This is bullshit, Santana," she sighs.

"No, this is bullshit for you, not for me! You don't want to understand, that's all, Brittany!"

"You're right; I don't want to understand because this is ridiculous! We love each other, end of story!"

This is going nowhere even if Santana really wants everything to be okay between them. Brittany wants to be with her and that's great, that's maybe the best thing she heard in the past few months but Santana has a life on her own and she doesn't want to destroy her life for Brittany.

"Would you like to be with me if you knew what everyone will say behind your back? Because I know what they'll say, Brittany and it just hurts more than it already did. Mercedes will say that you were wrong, that I caused you so much pain already. Puck will come to see you telling you he's ready to protect you against me. Rachel and Quinn will do everything to push me away from you after our first argument. Kurt will beg you to let me down and move on and Finn will laugh at you when I'll leave you. And do you know where the irony is? I will leave you because of all of them, Brittany. Because of their curiosity and judgments. So, do you still want to try again? Because I don't. I won't give us another chance to hurt each other."

"They're not like that, Ana…"

"Of course, they are! When I left for College, they all called me to tell me that I should be ashamed, that I should have stayed in Lima with you but none of them would have done that! Nobody did, actually. Especially Rachel! They judge me all the time and you, you can't defend me because you don't see me the way they do, because you love me and this is too much for me."

That the first time Santana tells this out loud and it feels good. Good and bad at the same time.

"I don't care about what they think!" Brittany argues.

"Well, not me. When they say those kinds of things, what hurts me the most is that you don't fight for me, Brittany. You let them say all this shit because you don't think like that but… Did you ever wonder if I didn't end up believing them?"

Her body hurts. Telling all of this makes her weak and ashamed. They're all supposed to be her friends and even if they did that to her, even if they don't try to apologize, Santana has the sensation that she has to be smarter than them and not turn Brittany against us. But no one ever asked her what she felt and today, someone did.

Again, she's about to leave but Brittany grabs her arm. "Let me go, Brittany. I want to go back home."

"Your home is here, Ana. With me," she insists.

"No, not anymore. My home is in L.A now with Jason."

Brittany starts to cry and Santana's heart breaks. It is so hard. It's like falling into the ground and being out of breath. It's even like dying.

"I would have loved to do my life with you, you know. Leaving will probably be my biggest regret from now on but I rather have this one that giving up on the person I became. I am so sorry, Brittany. I hope you'll understand one day."

And then, she leaves because this is the end of them. This is the end of Brittany & Santana and it's awful. She feels awful but relieved. Even happy and she just wants to cry again for feeling that way.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Everyone ! So I had time to write today and I thought I could write another chapter. It's not my best one but I won't have the time to update for a while so voilà ! Excuse my mistakes and review to let me know what you think about this one =)

Enjoy !

* * *

"Baby, stop running, you're going to fall!"

Brittany knows this voice. She turns to see where it comes from and she can't believe what she's seeing. Santana is here, in Lima and instinctively, Brittany breathes heavily taking all the courage she can and walks towards her ex-lover.

"Santana!" Brittany fakes her surprise and observes the Latina's reaction.

"Brittany," she whispers, "what are you doing here?" To the blonde's astonishment, Santana seems really happy to see her. She smiles and even hugs Brittany.

"Well, it is Christmas time so I had to be here with my parents," she explains, "otherwise, they would have hated me."

"No one can hate you."

They stand there for a while, disconnected from the world, in their little bubble but a little boy passes through them and calls Santana's attention.

"Nolan!" She yells. "Stop running!"

Brittany looks at the boy and it takes her a few minutes to understand the situation. She finds herself silly to need that much time because that kid looks just like Santana. He has her tan and her dark eyes, her smile and her expressions. While the Latina catches her son, Brittany's face breaks down. She doesn't cry, she doesn't do anything, she just watches and understands what Santana had told her a few years ago: she really moved on.

"I'm sorry," the Latina says holding her son in her arms, "he's such a terror." She laughs and Brittany's heart gets warmer. "When I complain to my Mother about him, the only thing she's telling me is: that's what you deserve for what you have done to me when you were a kid."

"He's beautiful, Ana." She breathes.

"Do you… Do you want to go eat something tonight? I'll let Nolan with my parents and we could catch up, how does it sound?" The boy looks at Brittany before hiding himself in Santana's neck and, even if she doesn't know why, it's that gesture that makes Brittany hesitate. Because this is reality, because Santana has a life on her own, because this is not their kid and he should be, because this is a nightmare.

"I don't know." She answers. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea, Ana."

Brittany starts to walk away but Santana stops her.

"You were right, Brittany. Four years ago, when you said we were soul mates. I know I screwed up and I should have stayed with you but I was three months old pregnant and…" She pauses, looks at her son and goes on. "I never stop thinking about you since I went to College and it's not fair of me to tell you all this now but..." Brittany can't stop looking into Santana's eyes and realizes how much she has changed, how honest and lovely she is. "I'm sorry I screwed up, Brittany and I really hope you'll change your mind about that dinner."

"I'll come. I'll have dinner with you tonight. Breadstix?"

"Sure. I would love that."

* * *

When Santana parks her car in front of the restaurant, Brittany stands at the door waiting for her. She gets out and approaches the woman. At that Glee meeting, she lied and now, she regrets it but tonight, it's like a dream and she enjoys every minute of it. Brittany, for her part, can't stop smiling: the moment she has waited for so long, it could be that one.

"So, how old is Nolan?" Brittany asks after they sit at a table.

"He's three."

"It's kind of weird seeing you with a kid. No offense."

Santana smiles slightly, "None taken. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm a mother, you know. I never thought I could love that much and it's a great feeling."

"I bet it is… Jason didn't come with you?" Brittany couldn't wait to ask that question. She saw that Santana is still wearing a ring but she didn't mention him during the day and it makes her hope.

"He left me. Nolan was eight months old, I think. He met a girl and he cheated on me before leaving me for her. He doesn't come see his son and I guess I don't want him to. I hate him so much…"

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, you're not but that's okay. It's just… He chose the easy way, you know, he didn't fight for his kid or me. And when I saw you, I wanted to stay with you so badly, you have no idea, but I thought about my baby and I let you go. But Jason, he just ran. He got scared and he ran." Santana shrugs her shoulders like it's no big deal and drinks her glass of wine. "Anyway, what about you?"

"I traveled. A lot. I saw new cultures and dances, I learnt some new languages and I grew up."

"I can see that."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not like you were before. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing but it's just new for me. I haven't seen you in years and you're different so yeah, it's a little bit weird but like I said, it's a good thing."

"You're different too, Ana, but I get what you mean."

"So, no husband, no kids?"

"Nope. Just me."

"Why didn't you try to have that?"

"Because of you."

* * *

"I stopped talking to the others." Brittany says out of nowhere.

After dinner, they decided to lie down in the park. It's a good feeling to be with each other, they still have to reconnect but there's this comfort when they're together that they can't explain. It's like it was just meant to be.

"You shouldn't have done that. They were your friends."

"No, _you_ were my friend and you were right. I never took a stand for you and that's what I should have done."

"I have regrets too so don't worry about it, okay?"

"Which ones?"

Santana stays silent. She tries to think about it, about how many regrets she has and the biggest ones.

"Leaving you for College. Marrying somebody else than you. Having a kid without you. That's the biggest regrets I have. I love my son, I really do, but sometimes, I just picture the life we could have had together and I really love what I'm picturing."

"Describe it for me."

"I would have waited for you before going to College. We would have rented a little apartment in New York and you would have bought a studio with the money my parents gave me while I would have studied music. After that, I would have proposed to you and we would have married each other on the beach in Florida. And then, after a few years, we would have started our own family."

"I love this life… I wish we could start all over again."

"Maybe we can." Brittany looks at her, surprised while Santana looks excited about her idea. "I mean, we're just twenty eight, Britt. We still have our lives and I know for sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it seems rushed but we're soul mate, right? That's what you believe and I believe it too. I pushed you away four years ago because I couldn't do otherwise but you're my everything and that's enough for me. I know I want you, I want us again and I want to give siblings to Nolan with you." She tries to convince Brittany without knowing how much Brittany wants it too. She just looks at Santana and admires how impulsive she is, how loving and caring and confident she became. "We'll take our time but all I need to know is that you're in."

Without thinking, Brittany kisses Santana. She's happy because she knows it was all worth it, all the pain and the waiting. For the Latina, it's more than that because during that kiss, she realizes she's home.

"I'm in, Ana. I want that too."


End file.
